I could ramble on and on about what a terrible day I had, but I won’t. I’m just physically tired and emotionally raw and I wish I could take a vacation from life for a bit.

Okay so apparently I have had all the credits I require to graduate from college for over a year and NO ONE TOLD ME??

WHAT EVEN IS THIS

I DONT

WHAT

After getting off the phone with my adviser I was informed of this and I’m seriously like screaming and pacing my room I don’t even know what to do

My adviser is the most absent minded person ever. That was why I was having problems with my schedule to begin with. He did not ever tell me that the list of courses on my transcript was just the list of courses I could CHOOSE from, not all the required courses, so I was sitting there using up my scholarship taking classes I didn’t really need, and suddenly it’s been four years and I still haven’t graduated from the two year community college because of that.

AND NOW THIS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

But hey, at least I’ll have a diploma soon hopefully! Just gotta find where to submit my graduation application on this ridiculous labyrinth of a website…

OMG I’M GONNA BE A COLLEGE GRADUATE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

holy JEEEEEEZ what happened

I feel like my head is full of playground rocks

And my eye is the size of a blimp, and sooo red, looks like a strawberry lol

Dudez that antibiotic just fucked me up bad last night. I’m still kinda wobbly and stuff. If I turn my head too fast I fall over lol

it’s supposed to stay in my bloodstream for 10 days
I CAN MAKE IT

It wasn’t eye cancer

It’s some kind of infection of the eye gland tissue something or other with a long ass name that I wasn’t paying attention to.

I’m pumped full of antibiotic and eye drops and should be back to normal within the week which is good because dAMN IT ITCHES FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

But I really dislike my optometrist??? His name is Dr. Peirce but Imma call him Blunty McBluntPeirce because he started getting verbally violent with me because I can’t take pills without throwing them back up and I’m like

Dude, I’ve been trying since I was little, no matter how hard I try my body just vomits them back out, I can’t really help it

And he’s all like, giving me that face that says YOU ARE WORTHLESS AND YOU SHOULD TRY HARDER YOU LAZY FUCK

And I’m all, BITCH DO YOU KNOW HOW OFTEN I HAVE BEEN ROCKING BACK AND FORTH WEEPING WITH PAIN BECAUSE THERE WAS NO LIQUID MEDICATION BUT THERE WERE PILLS RIGHT THE FUCK THERE AND I WAS SHOVING THEM DOWN MY THROAT WHILE CHOKING ON MY OWN SOBS AND VOMIT

So yeah, I think I’ve tried you fuck

But anyway, yeah, I should be better soonASSSFUCKITITCHESSOBADIWANNADIE

Man just fuck everything

I’m a big fat stupid coward who can’t say what she means and is afraid to tell people how she really feels because she doesn’t want to cause any waves and just makes everything worse and i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself

trying to make things right and it just fucks everything up

and this is only one of two things i have to do

just FUCK why am i such a terrible person

DAMMIT I hate crying it gives me headaches

FUCKFUCKFUCK

all i ever do is fuck things up i am a worthless human being everyone stop being friends with me right now or you’ll regret it i swear to GOD

You are not welcome here

Yesterday I was extremely sad for no reason and today I’ve been angry all day for no reason whatsoever

When do I get my happy for no reason whatsoever day?

Welp off to my 9-year-old cousin’s birthday party which will be nothing but football and Clone Wars

I kind of want to scream a lot of things at you people because a thousand things are running through my mind at once and there is a very small, apparently still 13-year-old part of my brain that insists that you all need to know about every bit of it

But I’ll narrow it down to a few points

• I was in the shower thinking about Legally Blonde when suddenly I started thinking about Toy Story 3 and I immediately burst into tears
• I want to make an appreciation post to drawstring pants
• I need to stop eating pie before bed
• I’M DOWNLOADING THE COMPLETE SIFL AND OLLY SHOW AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW EXCITED I AM I MEAN HOLY FUCK THAT IS THE BEST SHOW EVER DAAAAAAMMMMMNNNNN
• I’M ALSO DOWNLOADING A BUNCH OF STUDIO GHIBLI MOVIES AND I AM SO PUMPED because over half of my Ghibli movies are on VHS and my VCR is about 5 full-length movie plays away from disintegrating
• why did i think that pie was a good idea oh man i’m dying
• I am a coward
• I need chapstick
• Okay now I’m just typing things that I am thinking and I need to stop now okay

Because I am nothing if not organized

I wake up to a text saying that my best friend’s sister may or may not have lost her unborn baby

Then my dad calls and tells me my aunt is in the hospital and apparently has some very serious disease where her body attacks her own blood platelets so now she has none and it’s so bad the doctors won’t even let her walk down the hall because she might fall and bleed to death

Welp, going to drown myself in chores and try to forget things exist

Bye

Okay so I mentioned earlier that I got a job at the local t-shirt print place. The guy is letting me set all my own prices and letting me be really in control of pretty much everything on my end, and he is wanting a ballpark price range for my services. Thing is, I’ve never really done all this before and let’s face it I have like no concept of money, I’m soooo bad at handling it. So, any ideas for things you guys have done?

The work itself is just gonna be like logo design or arranging slogans and logos so they look all pretty on a t-shirt, mostly for sports teams or book clubs or whatever. Obviously some jobs will be harder than others and I’ll need to price tweak once I see how much work each case takes, but he does need a general idea or flat rate that he can tell customers “Hey I’ve got someone who can do what you’re asking and her usual rate is usually between so-and-so if you are interested.”

So, any suggestions for me?

Okay so I went to drop off some resumes today and it appears I got myself some part time work at the local t-shirt shop. They do mostly sports stuff, so I’m likely to be designing stuff for all the local school sports teams. But they also do like banners and signs and junk. It’s just on a commission basis so I don’t know when I’ll actually be doing work, it’s just whenever they need me, but still. I’m actually pretty pumped about it. I’m actually doing work using skills I went to school for ITS TEH AMERICAN DREEEM

The other place I was going to put in my resume was closed. Who the fuck closes at 11:30 am on Wednesdays? The place my dad wants me to work, that’s where.

Also IT’S FUCKING HOT OUTSIDE TODAY IN CASE ANYONE WAS CURIOUS

For the first time in a very, very long time, I feel pretty. Which is kind of a big deal. I’ve had severe self esteem problems for several months now, and it’s been sort of making me depressed. But I got this haircut on Wednesday and…my whole attitude is different. I didn’t change much, just put a fuckload of layers in it so it frames my face, and they automatically get all curly and shit when I don’t straighten them. But like…it’s such a great cut for my face shape. And hey, maybe it’s selfish and vain of me to think like this. But honestly, I don’t think so. I feel pretty. And confident. I walked around a mall this week without thinking everyone was making fun of me after I walked past them. That hasn’t happened in a long time. Yeah, it may be silly. But a simple haircut has changed my entire personality a bit. I just felt like sharing that.

I’ve been referring to myself as this for a while now. It’s only been within the last couple months that I’ve discovered I have accidentally fallen into one of the most hated niches in America.

This is mostly a long-winded ramble concerning a few insights to myself.

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